Skinny Girl Diaries. #7 why is this so hard???

If you’ve been reading my blog you know that I can only fit into my fat jeans and have been trying to lose weight for a few months now. Granted I have a legitimate excuse for struggling with losing a few pounds but I am starting to get a little frustrated. There are so many obstacles. The new one is my heating is not working and the technician is unreliable so I’ve spent hours this week sitting at home waiting for him to come and then he cancels!! Today I spent the entire day doing nothing! Why? Because I woke up too early and after a few hours was tired. The repair man was supposed to come between 2-3 so I thought “can’t take a nap now he will be here soon”. I stayed awake waiting but was so tired I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I wasted the entire afternoon waiting and finally after I told my landlord I’d be calling someone else she had him come right away. It was now 7pm! After all of the aggravation I went through this week I thought it was finally over. WRONG! He had the wrong part. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Since tomorrow is Sunday he said he’d have the part Monday and come back then. I finally stopped being frustrated, told him to call me directly instead of my landlord. Hopefully I will have my heat back Monday. It’s been -20 degrees C this past week and I’m using a portable heater SO my kitchen is extremely cold! I eat dinner late so I’m in the kitchen in the evening and it’s so cold I do not want to cook at all! Daytime is fine as I have lots of sunlight coming in so it isn’t too cold. Tomorrow I will try to prepare all my food earlier. I also HAVE to workout tomorrow. You’d think I’d be losing weight eating 1400-1500 calories a day but when you’re not active that’s not enough. Right now I’m home most of the time being inactive. 

I really want to be back to my pre-cancer weight before I go on my trip. That gives me almost 6 months. All I have to do is lose 2 pounds each month. I can do that, it can’t be that hard. And February was better, I noticed some improvement in my energy level. I can do this, I can do this! I’m going to do this. 

Skinny Girl Diaries #6 – MY Normal Weight

I’m still 130 pounds, which is fine but it’s not my normal weight. So it’s not totally fine with me but it’s not something that I’m worried about either. The thing is I am still recovering so I’m not back to normal in a lot of ways. Being 10 lbs more than before is adding to that feeling of not being my normal self. I can’t do any workouts that are too strenuous and due to my energy levels I can only do so much in one day so sometimes exercising just doesn’t happen. I remember days where I’d be tired after work and I would still go to the gym … SIGH. Those days are definitely over!

I keep telling myself I will get there but it’s been a struggle. I know I will get there but it will take time and as I’ve said before BEING HEALTHY is my priority. The reason I’m feeling more bothered today is that I saw some pictures from a girls night last week. I look fat!!! OK I don’t look fat but I don’t look like myself! Looking at that picture and another one from a year ago was a bit shocking! I look like a chubbier version of my previous ‘skinny girl’ self. Truth be told I really want to get back to ME! Looking at the pic reminded me that I’m not back to MY NORMAL SELF.

I know that a lot of things will never get back to being exactly like before. I have major joint pain in my knees and the fatigue is definitely still there. I’m now 11 months post treatment and I hope that in another 6-12 months I’ll be closer to my normal. I’ve accepted that things have changed and it’s OK. I’m alive and well enough to be enjoying my life. I’m fine with having a new normal, however that new normal includes me being back to 120lbs! Eventually I’ll get there and be able to wear all the nice clothes I have but can’t get into! I’m going to be wearing those cute white pants I have very soon!! 😊

Skinny Girl Diaries … Celebration not Deprivation!

After the holidays I’m back to where I started haha. I gained back the few pounds I lost. It’s also my birthday a couple of weeks after the holidays. So that doesn’t help. Had cake the entire week!! 🙂

After going through breast cancer treatment and only being 10 months post treatment I’m still recovering mentally and physically. My attitude has changed and I’m celebrating my life and being alive and healthy! There is no way I was turning down birthday cake!! Also had to indulge a little over Christmas and New Years!! I very much enjoyed all of it! 😄

Now January is at an end and I’m still unable to fit into a lot of my pants. No big deal, I still have some clothes that fit. And I will get into those other clothes soon enough. However, I do not believe in depriving myself to get there. EATING WELL and EXERCISE is the key. I also eat small portions throughout the day which helps my metabolism to keep going. This is what generally works for me and has always helped me to stay slim. Keeping up with that has been difficult because I keep getting sick every month and it always takes me 10-15 days to get better. That definitely affects my eating and I cannot exercise during that time at all. Hopefully February I will not get sick and can lose 5 pounds! I’d like to lose a total of 10 but I will lose 5 pounds first and then worry about the rest later.

When I feel like a treat I generally have a peanut butter smoothie. Almond milk, peanut butter, a little dark chocolate (80% cacao) and a spoon of honey. Yummmmmy!!
Since I don’t believe in depriving myself I will celebrate being 5 pounds lighter at the end of February!! Just for a day Lol.

LIFE is meant to be LIVED and dessert is meant to be eaten … Make it a healthy dessert and the not so healthy dessert, just have it infrequently.

Skinny Girl Diaries – The Holidays

I am stuck at 129lbs. The holidays are definitely not conducive to losing weight. In fact a lot of people seem to gain weight at this time. With all the Christmas/Holiday parties and lots of food & drink, and I don’t mean veggies and smoothies! Haha. It’s a wonder we don’t all gain 10 pounds at this festive time. BUT the focus is friends, family and enjoying ourselves with the people we love. Appreciating all that we have and giving or helping those less fortunate.

I’m putting my inner Skinny Girl on hold until the new year. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to gain weight, it just means that my focus will be being happy and healthy and maintaining my current weight instead of feeling crappy about not losing any weight. I’ve also been so busy and sick that I haven’t been able to exercise more than once a week. Yes SICK! The drug withdrawal side effects are terrible!!! I have nausea every other day which prevents me from going anywhere or doing much so of course I’m not going to be working out. Hopefully that will get better soon, I had no nausea yesterday or today so that was good! Woo Hoo!!!

Just so that we are clear being skinny is not the goal, being FIT and HEALTHY is. Skinny Girl just sounds better and it’s a term used loosely meaning FIT HEALTHY GIRL. At least that is how I see it. I’ve gained just enough weight to not be able to fit into a lot of my pants/skirts!! I have all these nice clothes that I cannot get into at the moment. It really sucks! I’m alternating between 2 pairs of jeans and a couple of skirts and the rest of the time since I’m off work, I’m in yoga pants, track pants etc. I really want to emphasize that being skinny is not what anyone’s goal should be. Yes we all want to be slim and sexy but we are all built differently and have different body sizes and shapes. I’m small boned so my healthy weight may be less than someone else’s. That does not mean that she needs to be the same weight as me. FIT and CURVY looks so much more attractive than skinny mini ski and bones. We should aim for a healthy BMI, along with a healthy weight and good amount of muscle with the right amount of body fat. Skin and bones is so not cute!! With that most women lose their breasts and/or butt. Speaking of derrières, butt implants seem to be pretty big right now … The booty that I hated as a tween seems to be to my benefit now. Funny how that works.

So to everyone, ENJOY the HOLIDAYS! Eat, drink and be healthy! Don’t go overboard but we all deserve to enjoy and give ourselves a treat. Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel bad about yourself. Be grateful for all that you have and be kind to those around you. Be especially kind to yourself.

I’m going to have a little chocolate now 😄. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Skinny Girl Diaries … Flu Shortcut

It’s now been over 3 weeks since I’ve been more focused on trying to lose weight. It isn’t easy, there are so many obstacles right now. Since the 2 pounds my weight hasn’t changed. Which I’m not thrilled about but it’s fine. This past week has also not gone well because I have frozen shoulder as a result of the mastectomy. This comes with limited shoulder/arm movement and A LOT OF PAIN!! Because of this I’m now going to physiotherapy (physical therapy). At physio I do shoulder strengthening exercises and stretches that I also have to do at home. Then once I’ve done half an hour of that, the physiotherapist works on my shoulder by pushing it in directions where the range of motion is limited. He doesn’t push too far of course but nonetheless painful. All of this takes so much energy out of me! I was exhausted when I got home. Feeling exhausted means I do not want to prepare any food. Not preparing any food means that I may eat something which is not very healthy because it requires prep. My preparing meals in advance hasn’t happened yet. I’ve also had a lot going on this past week and will be busy for another week or so. And of course I now have the flu when I can least afford to be sick. Of course it’s the stomach flu so I can’t keep anything down. I’m sure once I’m over the flu I’ll have lost a couple of pounds. Feels like cheating but oh well.

I get sick so frequently now. WTF?! This is ridiculous! Is my immune system still compromised??? Just want to feel better already! Again chemo, the gift that keeps on giving.

On the flip side this is nothing compared to chemo! So I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day.

Skinny Girl Diaries … Week 2

I’ve lost a pound! Haha 1 pound doesn’t seem like much but it’s a start. I like food and with the holidays approaching it’s difficult to avoid those party appetizers and drinks. I am trying to keep it limited and since it’s now Dec 1st I have only 30 days to lose 4 more pounds. The goal is 10 pounds but I can only do this in baby steps so 5 pounds now and 5 pounds in the new year. It’s hard enough not to gain any weight over the holidays but I’m determined not to let that happen and to lose 1 pound a week.

Started by cutting down my Starbucks to 1/week and it’s the Skinny Peppermint Mocha. Ideally would be best to have NO STARBUCKS UNTIL GOAL WEIGHT IS ACHIEVED, however a girl’s gotta have a few happy indulgences and that’s one of mine!
Next I have to up my exercising. Really need to try to do 4 times a week. I will create a schedule and stick to it (or try to). It’s easier for me if I know when and what I have to do.
Last but not least my eating. So the food preparation hasn’t happened yet haha. Guess that was wishful thinking. Why is that so hard to do?! I am going to do it though even if it’s for a couple of days. Main thing is to prepare my vegetables and salads so that my snacks are healthier low calorie foods. This is not just to lose weight but to eat more plant based foods in order to stay healthy and Cancer free.

I calculated how many calories I’m supposed to eat in order to lose 1 pound per week. A great app for this is My Fitness Pal. It also calculates the calories for all your foods and any exercises you are doing. Keeping a food diary is also helping so I can see what I’m eating. This is a full time job!!

I’m now going to make my green smoothie. Spinach, mango, (non fat) yogurt , and wheatgrass! Tastes better than it sounds haha. Yummmm!

Skinny Girl Diaries … Week 1

Well week 1 of trying to lose weight has not gone so great. I mean it hasn’t been bad but I didn’t lose the 1lb I was supposed to. Yes my weekly goal is 1 pound, that’s all I can handle right now. I guess on the up side I haven’t gained any weight either and managed to work out twice. The working out has to be planned in advance as I still feel wiped out after my workouts. Regardless, it should still be planned so that it’s already a scheduled part of my day and not something I’m trying to squeeze in. If that happens, it is too easy to make excuses to get out of doing it. The other thing that needs to be planned is my grocery shopping and food prep. This is something I didn’t do and last week when I was out doing errands all day I ended up buying unhealthy snacks on the go. Turned into a terrible eating day.

So tomorrow I will figure out my meals for 3 days and get my groceries. The day after I will prep 3 days of food. I know some people prep for the week but with still having fatigue I don’t know if I can handle that. So best to start small. 3 days it is!

Oh and in case I didn’t mention I used to be 118 pounds prior to my diagnosis. Now I am 132 pounds and healthier. I’d like to get to 120-123 so the goal is to lose 10 pounds.

Did I also mention that eating healthy and exercise helps your skin, keeping you looking young and vibrant! This girl at a skin care kiosk thought I was 27!!! Wow I’m 43! I’m sure part of it was my casual attire but she said I had great skin and started asking “how do you do it, what’s your secret?”. I really didn’t know what to say, after going through a year of ‘hell’ I’m surprised I don’t look as old as I feel. Yes I feel like I went from 43 to 83. BUT at the end of it all I was quite flattered and felt great … and then just for a minute I forgot how old I was. 🙂

Skinny Jeans

Why is it that the jeans I’m wearing today were too big on me only a few months ago?! Now they fit and no this is not a good thing. These are my FAT jeans. I have somehow gained 10lbs. It’s my eating … and eating and eating! Although it’s usually healthy there have been a lot of birthdays and dinners with cakes and dessert that I just never thought to say no to. Well that has to change otherwise very soon even my fat jeans won’t fit me!!

Being out of commission for close to a year I was completely inactive but still eating (healthy most of the time) to keep up my strength. I gained a few pounds which was fine because prior to that I had gotten too skinny due to stress. When I’m stressed I don’t eat or sleep much. Stress weakens the immune system along with lack of sleep. Then the lack of nutrients doesn’t help. BAD BAD BAD. Initially after finishing treatment I was trying to get my strength and energy back. The fatigue and exhaustion continues even after treatment ends. I started exercising in July (4 months ago) and that was also when I went back to work part time. I started getting a little bigger before due to the lack of exercise/activity but now I’m actually 10lbs heavier. It’s not all fat, some of it is muscle but not all, because my clothes have gotten tighter and things just don’t fit well. We did do an assessment as part of my Rehab program and I haven’t gotten a lot bigger according to my measurements so that makes me feel a bit better.

My strength and energy have increased and I’ve made great progress with my exercises! However for some reason I just can’t seem to lose the 10 pounds I’ve gained. I think part of it is being at work, sitting all day and buying my food through the day. Let’s not forget the 250-300 calorie Starbucks coffee in the morning on the days I’m in the office.

Tomorrow is my last day at work so let’s see if by NYE I can get back into my SKINNY JEANS!